Moving on... To a Better Person
am I going through an mid-life crisis? I really dont like this me. One minute I am feeling secure and then next, insecure. I really cannot figure out why and I really hate going through the same emotions and questions over and over again!But one changes I see in myself is, I get over faster this time. Usually I will brood over for whole day, sometimes over the weekend. Im happy to see me improving, though internally i still struggling.
I gonna pen down my feeling here and free myself, for I want to move on, moving on to a better person
This morning the hubby wore a new shirt which I have not seen before...
me: When you have this shirt?
hubby: It has been hanging on the rack for weeks, you didnt see meh?
me: No, but where does this shirt come from?
Hubby thought can avoid my question by diverting to ask me does he look nice on the shirt but I repeated my question again...
hubby: I went shopping with KA (his buddy and is the one I hated most !
) during lunch.Actually this " New shirt " shdnt triggle any crisis just that... I felt so jealous! He proclaim that he is so busy at work that now I seldom receive his calls or msg during office hrs... I dont call him also as he seldom pick up and if he does is always..."Im in the meeting" " Im in the midst of discussion" "Im driving" and hang up... he seldom initiate to fetch me for lunch... but I know he will drive to pick up frens for lunch... last time the excuse was my ofc too far... now though my ofc is nearer to his, I dont deny we ever lunch together but once only for one whole year??! I know there will be frens come telling me their hubby dont bother at all... I shd feel fortunate but still...
He proclaim he is so busy but he can affort time with frens for coffee... puffing... but no time to say hi to me 
I was angry when he, instead of acknowledge my feeling, reprimand me saying he has the right to lunch with anybody! (In my heart I was thinking, yes lunch with all your frens and nver me and I wont hope for it either!) Anger must have gotta me mad, I start to pick up silly things like reprimand him for not telling me when he went shopping why I am not aware he bought new clothings... stupid! make myself silly again and giving him chance to accuse my character again!
I do have some content of suspicion the shirt is from maybe some female "admirer" nevertheless I shdnt mistrust him or making wild guess but...
He say I hv no trust in him again...
I used to be an sweety innocent gf who will trust the bf 100% but not today where I have seen so many cases of unfaithful "good" man caught me surprise...
Yah, why I hate that buddy of my hubby so much, I dono now but he used to be one of those type and have a weird mentality of relationship. He is the kind who can have many relationships at a time without feeling guilt. He is the one who asked my hubby to go clubbing and let the pregnant me stay alone at home! He is the one who dont wear the wedding ring and say ring shd wear in the heart, YOUR FOOT! Now he is lucky enough to find a good decent wife who I sincerely think that he dont deserved but shd be surrounded by women whom ultimately will ditched him and hurt him! I know Im childish saying this but... I hate him more for causing me say such silly things! I hope I will hate him lesser as afterall he is nobody to me.
... ... see whole day gone and not a sound from the hubby
Labels: muse, relationship
posted by wtpgRR at 6/16/2006 06:04:00 PM
2 Comments:
Oh, I hate male "friends" like that KA you mentioned. My husband had a "friend" like that many years ago and one day, I got so fed up I called that guy and screamt my head off at him on the phone. I was having some problems with my husband then and this guy did something which annoyed me tremendously. From then on, he never bothered my husband again.
I think as women, we sometime brood too much which is bad for us. I know how you feel, because there are lots of temptations out there for our men. The thing to do is to stop worrying too much and try hard not to imagine.
Every couple is different and eventually you need to address your differences in your own style. For example, my husband and I do get into very nasty fights but at the end of the day, we make up again because we want to keep this family together. These days, I try not to question him too much, and he tries his best to avoid irritating me. Of course there are slip ups, that's part of being a couple, so I don't take it too hard.
It's good that you sense a positive change in yourself. Continue in that direction.
Do things you like and enjoy and don't imagine the negative stuff. Remember, you have two lovely girls.
Yes sesame, thks for yours encouragement... Im seeing some light beam :)
Post a Comment
<< Home