A Wakening Fall
I had a big fall last sunday mid-night...
1.30am the hubby finally came back from his car wash, thought that I had slept, he was very careful not to create much noise. For so long, he never realise his wife can only sound asleep when the husband is safe back home. Anyway after patting the girls to sleep, I dosed off while watching my girls' video clips... Abella had a stuffy nose so I thought of getting her the vick to apply. When I stepped down the bed, the next moment, I slipped with both elbows & knees fell hard on the floor. I was in pain but wont dare to groan afraid might alert the children. It was the vcam that slipped off my hand fell, alerted the hubby in the bath room. He came out asking me what happened and wanted to lift me up. I stopped him as afraid I might had a fracture. He was laughing away how could I have fall and wont stop even I warned him not to tease his pathetic wife... I decided to ignore him.
I am alright now, just some bruises on the elbows and knees. I think at that time why I felt so miserably pain, most probably becos the pain is from my heart, the most prone to injury organ in human body. It has been aching...
Sometime ago we had been quarrelling often about him spending lesser time with me. More mad when after I had voiced it out and his replied was " You are too possesive! Even if I spend 1 day 24 hrs with you, you will never satisfied!! " and more lesser time with us (me & children). I was very depressed then... itch to dissolve the marriage. Sensibly I did not but I divert my focus for him all to my children, parents, sibling, friends and work, anything and nothing for him.
However even with the mind setting, I am still suffering from depression. I had a very hard time finding back my identity... afterall I am not a aggressive woman... I am just a little woman who constantly wish to be loved, needed and being put at the center of a man's heart... having too much accumulated rancor, I begin to hate my husband... I hate him for breaking his promised... my promising happiness... I became very grudge as keep dwelling over the many why ? ? ? and none was make clear....
Today those many pieces of my puzzle start to fall into place, I begin to catch glimpses of what marriage and infact what life is about : ]
1.30am the hubby finally came back from his car wash, thought that I had slept, he was very careful not to create much noise. For so long, he never realise his wife can only sound asleep when the husband is safe back home. Anyway after patting the girls to sleep, I dosed off while watching my girls' video clips... Abella had a stuffy nose so I thought of getting her the vick to apply. When I stepped down the bed, the next moment, I slipped with both elbows & knees fell hard on the floor. I was in pain but wont dare to groan afraid might alert the children. It was the vcam that slipped off my hand fell, alerted the hubby in the bath room. He came out asking me what happened and wanted to lift me up. I stopped him as afraid I might had a fracture. He was laughing away how could I have fall and wont stop even I warned him not to tease his pathetic wife... I decided to ignore him.
I am alright now, just some bruises on the elbows and knees. I think at that time why I felt so miserably pain, most probably becos the pain is from my heart, the most prone to injury organ in human body. It has been aching...
Sometime ago we had been quarrelling often about him spending lesser time with me. More mad when after I had voiced it out and his replied was " You are too possesive! Even if I spend 1 day 24 hrs with you, you will never satisfied!! " and more lesser time with us (me & children). I was very depressed then... itch to dissolve the marriage. Sensibly I did not but I divert my focus for him all to my children, parents, sibling, friends and work, anything and nothing for him.
However even with the mind setting, I am still suffering from depression. I had a very hard time finding back my identity... afterall I am not a aggressive woman... I am just a little woman who constantly wish to be loved, needed and being put at the center of a man's heart... having too much accumulated rancor, I begin to hate my husband... I hate him for breaking his promised... my promising happiness... I became very grudge as keep dwelling over the many why ? ? ? and none was make clear....
Today those many pieces of my puzzle start to fall into place, I begin to catch glimpses of what marriage and infact what life is about : ]
Labels: motherhood, muse, relationship
posted by wtpgRR at 4/12/2006 09:04:00 PM
2 Comments:
Oh dear, I hope you are feeling better already. Both physical and emotional.
Men can be so insensitive at times. Maybe you should find a time to have a serious talk with him, if it really bothers u that much. I always think that Silence is never a solution. Talk it out with him when you cool down (very impt... u don't want urself to sound like a siao chabo right? ;) ). Just treat him like a little boy who needs TLC even when he did something wrong, then he would take criticism and advices better. I know it sure works better than quarrelling, since this is the case for me. :P
CM, thanks for the concern & advice... Im fine now but what is TLC? My husband dont like to talk about problem. Is either he settle it or if he cant, he'll just shelve it. Whenever I try to start a talk abt our issues, he is always keeping mute, the conversation is always unfruitful. Anyway, whatever I need to do and say I had already done my best, most probably i'll just let it be, hopefully time will soothe the matters...
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